shadow feet*

Friday, September 05, 2008 / Comments (0) / by elizabeth

Dear Jesus,

Walking, stumbling
on these shadowfeet
toward home, a land that i've never seen
i am changing: less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when i began

four years ago we left for China, and one year ago i wrote about how my life has changed since then. this past year has perhaps been one of the most difficult. some days i think i have it all together but some days it's all i can do to hang on to anything. but after this year, i believe even more that You have it all together, that You have my life together, and i'm trying to learn how to simply rest in You.
and i have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day...


You are continually refining me and renewing my spirit. You are showing me more about myself than i wanted to know, but in doing so you are showing me more about Yourself, and who i am in You. You are healing me from the depths of my soul. You are asking me to reveal parts of myself that i never wanted to face, much less share with other people. You are teaching me to live out loud, to be authentic, to be the same on the outside as i am on the inside. and at the same time, You are teaching me that Your opinion is the only One who matters, that what You think of me is the most important.

when the world has fallen out
from under me
i'll be found in you
still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
i'll be found in you

there have been times that i have wanted to give up, throw it all away, to walk right back over to that pit and jump in. but i can't.

There's distraction buzzing in my head
saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
but i've heard rumors of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way

i can't, i won't, because the life You've created for me is better than i could have ever written for myself. you have changed me irreversibly. i committed to follow you whatever it took, and i would be lying if i said it was not a sacrifice. i have sacrificed the very things i thought i never could, and i'm still standing. everything that i clung to is slowly being removed, changed, reshaped. and the sacrifice doesn't seem like a sacrifice compared to knowing You love me. i know that when we get to the other side of all of this, that even if i have nothing left, i will still have You. and You are all that i need.

when the world has fallen out from under me
i'll be found in you
still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
i'll be found in you

recently You've reconciled some things in my life that needed reconciling, and for that i'm grateful. You're bringing me full circle. You're teaching me to forgive myself and forgive others. You're teaching me how to talk to people and how to really listen. You are teaching me how to feel appropriate emotions and instead of allowing me to continue to build up walls You are knocking them down one brick at a time. You have placed trustworthy people in my life who will hold up a mirror and show me the repercussions of my actions.

you make all things new.

It's still an adventure, Jesus...and I will follow you with reckless abandon.

love,
elizabeth


* by brooke fraser

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