beautiful

she likes attention. she wants everyone to know she has arrived and causes a commotion as the door to the nail salon swings wide open.

she rolls in slowly with the help of her assistant. she's wearing fur, of course, and tons of jewelry. her face is streaked with too-bright makeup: heavy blush (though she might call it 'rouge'), eyebrows drawn on, lipstick over-lining her lips and dripping into the deep-set wrinkles around her mouth.

she has just had her hair done, and it resembles a style from the 40's. she loves the lavender tulips in a jar by the counter and comments on them more than once.

she is 96 years old. she loves fashion. she is a former model - "i used to be tall!" she says. she's been watching fashion week on television, remembering the old days before "fashion died."

she is beautiful.

i watch in fascination as you engage her in conversation without hesitation. you ask her questions and really listen to her answers. you make eye contact. you treat her gently, like a friend, like someone you truly want to know.

you tell her you love her hair. you respond to her declaration that she used to model with a genuine, "i can tell!" you agree with her that the tulips are an exquisite shade of lavender.

you have 'love' tattooed on the inside of your wrist as if you need a reminder. in this moment, you don't care what is easy for you, you only care about her comfort. You aren't concerned with your own agenda, or your own time - instead, you are attentive to her needs.

you are beautiful.

single ladies SNL style

living in new york city, i love movies and tv shows and songs about this city more than the average person...it's just neat to watch a movie and be able to point out the flaws (like when they try to pretend they're on the upper west when they're really in tribeca, etc) or remember why you love this city in the first place or hear a song that explains exactly how it feels to live here. it's a totally different feeling when you actually do live here.
on that note, i didn't really appreciate saturday night live until i moved to new york. i guess it's because i didn't understand the humor when i was younger - the pop culture and new york city references just didn't mean anything to me. and now i live with two avid fans of the show - one whom i'm convinced will actually be on SNL one day, and the other quotes it often. So I end up watching most episodes.

all that to say, this skit from last night's show is one of the funniest i've ever seen:

Justin Timberlake & Beyonce - Parodie "Single Ladies" SNL
Uploaded by Rock_You_Justin

how i used my skills as a former groupie to stalk a vampire* [a timeline]:

SUNDAY:
1:00PM received word that edward cullen (his real name is robert pattinson. i don't care. from now on his name is edward) would be at the Apple Store in Soho Monday night.
1:30PM moved Monday night Bible Study to the Starbucks beside the Apple Store. Obviously a coincidence.
1:45 convinced roommate Susan to join ("convinced" really is a strong word...all i had to say was edward cullen and she was totally in)
2:00-11:00 Spent rest of day in anticipation of seeing boyfriend on monday

MONDAY
10:30-3:00 too much work (sadly forgot about seeing boyfriend, as was extremely busy)
3:00 received word that the line formed at 11:00 this afternoon and they were only letting 80 people in
3:30 told Bible study girls to get in line
5:00 Bible study girls get to go in
6:15 leave work
6:20 get on wrong train
6:30 get on right train that goes wrong way
6:45 give up and take a cab. slowest cab driver ever.
7:00 arrive at apple store

my 'excited!' face

7:01-7:29 wait. we have come to the conclusion that we won't be getting in the store.
7:30 spend $4 on an apple and some sweet potato chips for dinner from dean & deluca, as is closest place to eat. need to get back to my standing spot
7:40 realize we are standing next to paparazzi. best chance for glimpse of edward

7:45 crowd gets bigger
7:46-7:59 take pictures to pass time:

we love edward cullen.

8:00 false alarm [someone screams "EDWARD" and girls come a runnin']
8:01 wonder if i've been transported back to 1964 and we're actually waiting for the beatles


8:05 false alarm, but this time i scream too and run across the street. yes, i'm embarrassed.
8:15 Catherine Hardwicke shows up. Stupid paparazzi run up to her yelling, "Stephenie! Please sign our books!" We inform them that she is NOT Stephenie. They are idiots.
8:20 the NYPD show up:
8:20-8:30 crowd continually getting yelled at by bodyguards to back up and get off the street
8:35 a black car pulls up
8:35 i scream and run across the street. again.
8:35 edward cullen gets out of the car. i try to take a picture and end up with this stellar shot:
9:00 on way home. make roommate susan cry when i show her what i've written in my journal about my future husband (because reading the twilight series will make you write about your future husband)
11:30 bed. and glad i got to see edward cullen. but mostly i'm just glad to live in a city as crazy as new york.

* yes, a vampire i said. i have trouble believing edward cullen's not real.

TUESDAY [AN EDIT]:

roommate susan sends me this picture. Now I know why my shot of Edward was so incredible:

i am awesome.

halloween pt.2 [or how to get two costumes out of one set of accessories]

last night, micole asked rachel and me (read: her friend bailed and we were sort of forced) to go to a costume party with her co-workers:

devil with a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress...etc

gayowulf

cruella de vil

entertaining ourselves on the way home:

you don't even want to know...

tomorrow, maybe a real post instead of all the pics!

Halloween!

in most places, halloween seems to be the day scandalously clad girls roam the streets without a second glance. but in new york, it's all about the creativity, and the scandalously clad girls are usually scandalously clad...well, boys:

or sometimes it's girls dressed up like boys:

bleeker and juno (katie and rachel)

your conscience: (the "creative" part of this costume is that we came up with hannah's at the last minute! see? creative!)

cleopatra (she made her entire costume...so talented!):
some more:

gymnast danielle, who, incidentally, already owned her entire costume...and she's not a gymnast

**all photos were taken by either hannah or rachel...hop over to their blogs to see more (i assume they'll eventually post some).

tonight i think mic and i are headed to a costume party, so maybe more pictures tomorrow!

if You would shine Your love down here...make our hearts as perfect as new...

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life...

- a. cohen

back in early june i knew change was coming; it was this ominous cloud that hung over everything i did. i thought about it constantly - the what ifs and i don't knows and the this is the last time we'll get to [fill in the blank]. and now, i'm almost on the other side, the side where i get used to how different life looks when everything changes. and hopefully soon life as it is will seem "normal," whatever that means. and then, i'm sure, it will begin to change again.

i am a walking paradox - i love new people and new places and new experiences for myself, but when i'm done with all that and ready to rest and find some stability for a season i expect my world to look the same as it did before. it never does. and selfishly, i hope that the people in my life don't move or change. i'm the one who's 'supposed' to do the leaving. unfair, i know.

in the midst of change i find myself trying desperately to hold on to what i can while attempting not to control things. easier said than done, right?

one day maybe i will embrace change instead of resisting it. i don't want the constants in my life to be about location or circumstance, and instead be about maintaining relationships across the country or even across an ocean all the while enjoying the here and now. it's the balance that i have difficulty with.

since i moved to new york, i find myself saying "it's SUCH a small world" all the time. i meet someone on a plane with whom i attended college, and she becomes a good friend. my roommate and i are on the beach and end up in conversation with a couple who go to UT Knoxville, and last semester the girl lived next door to one of my favorite people. while i'm visiting tennessee, a friend and i are flipping through some of my photos and she recognizes a girl she went to middle school with. the girl she recognized? the wife of our worship leader. i get a positive comment on a recent blog post, and i realize that not only is he the pastor of my best friend's church, but the blog i wrote was based on a sermon he preached in the first place.

small world. funny stories. throughout all of this, God is quietly whispering (whispering, because you can't yell at fragile people, right?) that He is sovereign. that He orchestrated the entire world. that these strange "coincidences" aren't really coincidental, but perhaps a display of His originality in weaving my life together. and that when He looks at me, He wants to see His reflection, so all of this is part of refinement. but most of all, i am reminded that though everything else changes, He never does. when my world is spinning and changing, He remains steadfast.

...if You would shine Your love down here...i promise i'd reflect it right back at You
- Copeland, When Finally Set Free

there's no where in this world i'd rather be

if you know me, or if you have read my 100 things and you feel like you know me, you know that i was a pretty big fan of a certain band back in the 'ole college days. [if 'fan' means that on the weekends, i got in my car and followed them around the southeast. i might call it 'stalking' these days, but i speak for myself. and whatever, if was fun. and whatever, they were a great band. don't judge me]. one of the awesome people i met, alison (ONLY ONE L! GET IT RIGHT!), ended up moving to new york city right after i did, and over the past year and a half we have explored this city together as often as possible.

Last night we went on a little New York adventure...

Read about it here!




i heart teeeny tiny chocolate chips

...changing my perspective

A while back I was filling out one of those social networking profiles, and I wrote that I hadn't found good sushi in New York yet. I guess somewhere in the back on my mind I didn't want to find good sushi. You see, I love sushi at home in Tennessee. I love going to my favorite local place with my dad and my sister (and sometimes good friends) and getting the Las Vegas and Yum Yum Rolls. I love the good conversation and the familiarity. Good sushi equals home and comfort; bad sushi equals not home and discomfort. So I've only half-heartedly looked, because I wasn’t ready to become comfortable here. I wasn’t ready to call New York “home.”

The last few weeks—months if I'm really honest—of my life have been a series of uncertainties mixed with a heavy dose of discontentment. I have realized (again) how terrible I am at committing myself to anything for longer than a year. Since graduation three years ago, I’ve made two major moves and two extreme career changes. One day a friend called me and asked me what exactly I was running from. I'm sure I made up some excuse or probably attempted to justify my actions, but she was right. I was running.


I guess, in a way, I've always been running. From what, I’m not quite sure—I've got a great family, the world's best friends, a fantastic home church, etc. To some girls (especially single, 25-year-old girls) settling down is crucial. And yes, one day I'll probably want that. But I'll be the first to admit, the idea of doing the same thing every day for the rest of my life scares me. And that's not to say that owning a house and having a real career and getting married means the adventures stop—I know this is totally untrue. I just think I have a fear of monotony. I am your classic escapist.

I've known this about myself for a long time, but hadn’t quite grasped it until recently. When I’m visiting Tennessee, I want to be in my beloved city of New York. When I’m in New York, I feel like I’m missing so much in Tennessee. I've always been one to focus on what's next, what adventure God's going to bring me (or send me on) after this one. While that's not inherently bad, I forget to enjoy the moment. I focus on the future so I don't have to think about the present. Some days I get so consumed with my job and my life (which is surprisingly monotonous—oh, the irony) that I forget where I am. I forget to look up. I forget to be grateful that I got exactly what I asked for, and I need to enjoy my stay in New York City while it lasts.

In “Chocolate,” a song by Snow Patrol, the band declares, “All these places feel like home.” I realized that “home” is relative. The only stability in my life is my relationship with God, and He must be enough. If I can become content with Him, my surroundings don’t have much bearing on my perspective or attitude. I am in the process of understanding what Paul spoke of in his letter to the people at Philippi when he claims, “… I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want” (Philippians 4:11b-12, TNIV). Paul was arrested and beaten and broken and homeless and hungry all for the sake of following Christ, and yet he was still content. He knew his security was in Jesus, not any outward circumstance. More than anything, I yearn to find my satisfaction in Him—not my home, job, money (or lack thereof), relationships, dreams or anything else I attempt to control. Jesus is my refuge, my solid ground, my only hope.

This morning I woke up and felt that something had shifted. My perspective had changed—I was happy to be alive and happy to go to work. I walked up the stairs from the subway, and I just stopped and looked up. Surrounded by metal and tall buildings and hordes of people with their own agendas, I was delighted.

"Be here now," He whispered.

Today at work we ordered sushi for lunch. And it was incredible.