leaving on a jet plane; or how i almost missed my flight: a timeline

10:00am wed - book a flight home
1:00pm wed - call AA to change flight, talk to nicest person ever who waves $150 fee
5:45pm - leave work
7:00pm - start packing
9:00pm - head to bed
wake up at 1:45am,  2:45am,  3:45am, and 4:45am 
5:45am - alarm finally goes off
6:35am - pray on the way downstairs that i can find a cab -- He sends 4 just in case I miss one
7:00am - arrive LGA and get boarding pass - glance at it quickly, head to gate D5
7:10am - get to gate
7:15-8:00am - Wait wait wait read People listen to Beyonce wait annoyed
8:15am - why haven't we boarded yet? Flight in 15 mins
8:17am stop listening to Beyonce long enough to hear the plane at the gate where I'm sitting is going to MIAMI
8:18am annoyed at the miami plane - why can't they get their own gate?
8:20am glance at boarding pass and realize i'm AT THE WRONG GATE
8:20am wrong gate!!!!!! THEY'RE GOING TO LEAVE ME
8:20am hightail it to gate D3
8:21am gate attendant tells me they've been paging me. Paging me! I'm the girl who got paged!  and if I hadn't listened to single ladies on repeat I might have heard my name on the LOUDSPEAKER!
8:22am board plane; everyone is staring at me
8:23am want to announce that am not late, actually very early. I blame Beyonce.
8:25am still can't find spot for bag - overhead compartments full.  wait for flight attendant.
8:26am man behind me keeps giving me the "you're irresponsible" look
8:26am flight attendant's very nice, do they know why I'm going home or are they just nice?
8:27am find spot for bag
8:28am lug bag to overhead compartment... accidentally hit man with dirty look on head
8:28am want to tell him karma sucks, keep dirty looks to self but instead smile and apologize politely like a good southern girl
8:29am buckle up
8:30am plane takes off

.....WHEW!

annoying audience members

my sister and mom have been here since friday, and that means lots of shopping and lots of talking and this time it meant seeing lion king and wintuk (the new york city cirque du soleil).
lion king was wonderful. my sweet friend alison got us fabulous tickets (having a good friend who's a concierge has its perks!)
wintuk was mom's Christmas present from my sister and me. She's a huge fan of all things cirque, and we knew she would enjoy seeing it here with us.
however, kathleen and i weren't as fascinated as she was. we were surrounded by annoying people and preferred making this list to actually watching the show [disclaimer: kathleen and i are self-admittedly more annoyed by annoying things than the average person. another disclaimer: when we talk about annoying kids, please know that i'm not talking to any of my mom friends. your children would never act this way - trust me. or if they did, you would rip them up by their hair and haul them home before you would allow them to repeatedly kick the seat in front of them or constantly scream IN MY EAR]
ahem, the list:

1. The "WOOOOOOO!" er - "oh, everyone's clapping! this means that i should revert back to my high school cheerleading days and let out a loud 'WOOOOOOOOO!'"
2. The Gum Chewer - aka the person right behind you who's smacking her gum so loud you [i] go all 8th grade teacher and want to turn around and ask her to spit it out in my hand.
3. The Perfume Bather - even worse when the offending perfume is Elizabeth Arden's Sunflowers.
4. The Annoying Kid - mentioned above in the disclaimer - the kid who is allowed to yell [IN MY EAR], jump up and down while holding onto the back of mom's chair. when he IS sitting in his chair, he's kicking the seat in front of him [to the point where my very patient mother had to ask him ever so nicely to stop kicking her chair]
5. The Informational Parent - thinks their child is blind and cannot see that the guy onstage is balancing on a big ball and finds it necessary to tell him every. single. detail. [bet you can guess whose parents they were]
6. The Sniffler - blow your nose already. or get rid of the mustache.
7. The Loud Talker - whispering was invented for a reason*
8. The Crackberry User - get. off. your. phone. your email can wait til intermission**
9. The Bird's Nest - i can't see over your hair, lady...or, as mom says, "1960 called and wants its beehive back."
10. The Shifter - the person in the front row who leans to her left, causing the guy behind her to lean to his right, so the guy behind him has to lean to his left...ripple effect that means the people in the back [aka US!] can't see. or the person who finds it necessary to sit on the edge of his/her seat so NO ONE can see.
11. The Late Comer - never fails, they always have seats #50 and 51 in a row of 100.
12. The Narrator - kind of like The Informational Parent, but instead of talking to their children they talk to whomever they're with. Can also be combined with The Loud Talker.
13. The Pee-er - apparently you have a bladder the size of a fingernail, because you have gone to the bathroom six times. and like The Late Comer, you're sitting in the middle of the aisle.

* I might be this annoying audience member at times.
** I am definitely this annoying audience member. I apologize in advance.

correspondence wednesday (cont'd)...

...which, like i said, doesn't exactly exist on my blog. but i wanted to follow up:

dear old navy,

i was right!

thank you todd oldham,

elizabeth

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dear stephenie meyer's publishers,

thank you. it ended so well. please pay stephenie meyer lots of money to keep writing about these people [ahem, werewolves and vampires] - i miss them already.

bella and edward forever,

elizabeth

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dear ethiopia,

140 days.

still [and only] because of Jesus,

elizabeth

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dear jersey shore,

you were just what i needed. thank you for the perfect weather, for the perfect sunrise, for the perfect vacation.

made for the beach,

elizabeth

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dear best friend,

adventures with you are always more fun. here's to pottery painting, miniature golfing, fashion showing, beach reading, alarm clock beeping, ocean beatings, Jesus acting, and sunrise watching. there's no one else like you.

love,

elizabeth

correspondence wednesday?

ok, there's no such thing as correspondence wednesday, not on this blog at least. but it was the most clever thing i could come up with. without further ado (side note - what does ado mean? is that a word?):

dear old navy,
did you happen to fire every single one of your designers and hire some new, awesome ones? i don't think i've shopped at you (with the exception adding to my extensive collection of wife beaters) in several years. but now, old navy, how i love thee. i want everything in your herald square store. since i'm going to the beach this weekend i'm finding it difficult to spend too much money these days, but you and i? have a date next week.

inexpensive fashion rocks,
elizabeth

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dear stephenie meyer's publishers,
i don't think i can wait 2 weeks to read breaking dawn. could you just answer a few questions for me? i promise i'll still read the book. will bella become a vampire? will she choose edward? if so, will jacob find his soulmate? jacob DESERVES a soulmate. will it make me CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP like eclipse did? oh, the suspense....don't know if i can take it.

can't wait for august 2nd,
elizabeth

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dear ethiopia,
i can't wait to meet you.

because of Jesus,
elizabeth

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dear jersey shore,
i hear you calling my name. after one more day of work, i will be lounging on your warm sand (in a chair, with an umbrella, covered in sunscreen because at 27 i'm finally concerned about wrinkles and skin cancer). i'll bring the cute summer dresses and flip flops if you promise to provide me with three days of beautiful weather.

soon,
elizabeth

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dear best friend,
it's almost annual vacay time! and i can't WAIT to see you!

love,
elizabeth

like i got run over by a truck part 2!

[an update]
so far today, i:
woke up at 8am
stayed in bed until 1:00pm, only getting up to a). get breakfast (yes, i ate it in bed) and b.) pee (because of the incredible amts of water i have to drink when i take my 4 TIMES A DAY antibiotic).

currently i'm sitting on my couch with my roommate rachel. We were just talking about how freeing it is to be able to DO WHATEVER YOU WANT all day.

tonight, it's possible i'm gonna hang out with some fun friends. but only if i can drag myself to the shower and then to hell's kitchen.


how was your saturday?

like i got run over by a truck.

Recently the question "how are you" has been met with "i feel like i got run over by a truck."

March has been an insane month, good in so many ways, but exhausting. i'm pretty sure in college i stayed up until 4 am many a night...now if I go to bed past 12 i forgo the shower in favor of another 15 minutes of sleep. i've felt (and looked) like trash at work the last couple of weeks...hair in a ponytail, no makeup, and whatever combination of clothing i could put on my body that looked somewhat appealing (or, in yesterday's case, not so appealing...as i got to work an realized i had a nice GIANT stain on the front of my white sweater. i wore my marmot jacket all day, which resulted in a critical once - over by our VP. seriously, i'm the least fashionable person here...when did that happen?)

where was i? oh yes, march. a month of sleeplessness and insanity.
REVO. My roommate Rachel does a great job of summing it all up here or you can go here or here to check it out.

every spare (and not so spare) second we have lived and breathed REVO. It's been in the works for 10 months, and it's hard to believe it's over.
during REVO week we had anywhere from 2 to 6 people staying at our house on any given night. several people flew in from nashville for help and support. the week was incredible, super busy, but incredible.
and if you were here and you still want to be my friend, i'm impressed with your tenacity (and love, of course). it's all a blur now, but i'm sure my words weren't as kind as they could have been. i also need to learn to control my facial expressions, because apparently it's obvious when i'm pissed. and all this time i thought i was an emotion-hiding expert!

the stress of last week gave way to a nice cold. I also had a root canal on Monday, which still hurt yesterday. So I went back to the dentist, and he sent me to an oral surgeon, and the o.s. put me on a super strong antibiotic that i have to take 4 TIMES A DAY. the combination of meds i'm on is impressive: 6 total. Awesome.

all that to say, i'm still here, but i need some rest. this weekend i am doing whatever i want to do, and i have a sneaking suspicion that's gonna involve some sleeping. and then some more sleeping. and maybe a mani/pedi and eyebrow wax! and then sleep some more. on my back, so as to not ruin my nails.