you saw through me...

from my livejournal...

I have been doing a lot of thinking. I have come to the conclusion that a lot of people I considered my friends don't really, honestly, truly like me. They don't want to be my friend. They don't care about me. They don't want what's best for me. I only want to be friends with people I can trust. People that won't talk about me behind my back. People who respect me enough to tell me when they don't want to do something. People who think I am tons of fun, who love me for me even if hanging out with me doesn't mean getting constant entertainment. Even if hanging out with me just means watching a movie and sitting outside on the porch and never saying a word. People who take me seriously and respect my opinions. People like these are the people I want to know me, to really know who I am and what I am about. I always thought I had a lot of friends. I have always been one to surround myself with people I assumed I had a lot in common with, people who wanted to get to know me because they think I am interesting or funny or something. Or maybe that they thought I had something to offer, who knows? I can't figure out where my judgment lapsed, where I went wrong. Perhaps I went wrong in trying to build friendships with people who aren't sincere. People who change their opinion of people they once considered friends based solely on others' opinions. Those people who try to act genuine but only want to be the best, the most well-liked, the most popular...and still, amazingly, appear to be innocent in everything. However, for the LIFE of me I cannot figure out why they would waste time and effort trying to be friends with ME. I don't really have a lot to offer but myself...my heart, my honesty, and my love. For some people this may not be enough, but it's all I have. Take it or leave it.