like a thousand miles of fire

Saturday, April 12, 2008 / Comments (1) / by elizabeth

one year ago:
on a plane heading to Tennessee. into the unknown. 12 days of "i don't know."

"What do you do in New York?"
"I don't know."


for the first time in 10 months i didn't want to leave new york. i was afraid i would miss something. i finally had friends. we were about to move in together. but i was excited about going home. about leslie's show. about preparing for/helping with REVO. about spending several days in nashville with ellie. about my heart being at rest for the first time in too long.
i wanted to be in new york. i wanted to be in nashville. thus perpetuating the tug of war in my heart...home vs...um? home?

i went back to TN with zero expectations and You blew me away.

anniversaries - dates, i guess - are important to me. i like to measure time that way. i like to measure growth that way. i love to look back at the last year or two and compare them to now.

now:
new job. the friends i didn't want to leave? some of my best. my heart is still. my mind is not confused. i am content - not necessarily comfortable, but content. my relationships have changed, but only because they needed to.
now:
i'm okay with not knowing what's next. i still plan, but plans change. i love my life. some things are still not reconciled, but You asked me to focus on You. I try. I fail, but still try.

I can't even fathom what's ahead. But today, I'm going to go to Brooklyn with my friends. I'm going to wear my cowboy boots with some leggings and pretend to be 'brooklyn cool.' i'm going to be content. we're going to go to thrift stores and laugh and talk and laugh some more.
and next year, i'm going to look back on april 12 and remember how good it was, and how good it will be.

but most of all, how good You are.

1 comments:

shultsie @ April 13, 2008 at 11:02 PM

anniversaries...weird.