annoying audience members

my sister and mom have been here since friday, and that means lots of shopping and lots of talking and this time it meant seeing lion king and wintuk (the new york city cirque du soleil).
lion king was wonderful. my sweet friend alison got us fabulous tickets (having a good friend who's a concierge has its perks!)
wintuk was mom's Christmas present from my sister and me. She's a huge fan of all things cirque, and we knew she would enjoy seeing it here with us.
however, kathleen and i weren't as fascinated as she was. we were surrounded by annoying people and preferred making this list to actually watching the show [disclaimer: kathleen and i are self-admittedly more annoyed by annoying things than the average person. another disclaimer: when we talk about annoying kids, please know that i'm not talking to any of my mom friends. your children would never act this way - trust me. or if they did, you would rip them up by their hair and haul them home before you would allow them to repeatedly kick the seat in front of them or constantly scream IN MY EAR]
ahem, the list:

1. The "WOOOOOOO!" er - "oh, everyone's clapping! this means that i should revert back to my high school cheerleading days and let out a loud 'WOOOOOOOOO!'"
2. The Gum Chewer - aka the person right behind you who's smacking her gum so loud you [i] go all 8th grade teacher and want to turn around and ask her to spit it out in my hand.
3. The Perfume Bather - even worse when the offending perfume is Elizabeth Arden's Sunflowers.
4. The Annoying Kid - mentioned above in the disclaimer - the kid who is allowed to yell [IN MY EAR], jump up and down while holding onto the back of mom's chair. when he IS sitting in his chair, he's kicking the seat in front of him [to the point where my very patient mother had to ask him ever so nicely to stop kicking her chair]
5. The Informational Parent - thinks their child is blind and cannot see that the guy onstage is balancing on a big ball and finds it necessary to tell him every. single. detail. [bet you can guess whose parents they were]
6. The Sniffler - blow your nose already. or get rid of the mustache.
7. The Loud Talker - whispering was invented for a reason*
8. The Crackberry User - get. off. your. phone. your email can wait til intermission**
9. The Bird's Nest - i can't see over your hair, lady...or, as mom says, "1960 called and wants its beehive back."
10. The Shifter - the person in the front row who leans to her left, causing the guy behind her to lean to his right, so the guy behind him has to lean to his left...ripple effect that means the people in the back [aka US!] can't see. or the person who finds it necessary to sit on the edge of his/her seat so NO ONE can see.
11. The Late Comer - never fails, they always have seats #50 and 51 in a row of 100.
12. The Narrator - kind of like The Informational Parent, but instead of talking to their children they talk to whomever they're with. Can also be combined with The Loud Talker.
13. The Pee-er - apparently you have a bladder the size of a fingernail, because you have gone to the bathroom six times. and like The Late Comer, you're sitting in the middle of the aisle.

* I might be this annoying audience member at times.
** I am definitely this annoying audience member. I apologize in advance.